Gorgeous gorgeous girls are true to themselves.
In 2020, I unintentionally started the “gorgeous gorgeous girl” trend.
Background:
In the spring of 2020, my beloved Spelman College Class of 2020 sisters and I were in the process of finishing our college experience virtually due to the Orange Dump administration’s catastrophic response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Our primary source of connection at the time was Instagram, and in the days leading up to what would have been our graduation day, sisters began posting their graduation pictures and senior portraits. Our senior portraits are designed to appear timeless and they truly consecrate our place in the history of our illustrious institution. This was the first time we had seen each other’s portraits, and the girls were eating DOWN.
My 2020 sisters have always been especially beautiful to me not just because we are phenotypically blessed, but BECAUSE of our different quirky personalities, our inner light, our fierce work ethic, and our sense of humor.
So naturally, I’m commenting under all my sister’s posts, gassing them up, and steadily being in awe that I get to call such gorgeous women my sisters for life. And after a while I’m speechless because the girls are posting their accolades, their plans, their portraits, and it just keeps getting better and better! If you were there on Spelman IG in May 2020 you know what I’m talking about - the timeline was FLOODED with stunning, successful, Black, educated Spelman women. It was poppin'! So I’m commenting, “gorgeous!” “Gorgeous!!” “Gorgeous, girl!!” and then, “gorgeous gorgeous girl!!”
Two or three weeks later, I’m scrolling on TikTok as many were during the pandemic, and I see a white-adjacent/racially ambiguous woman with a slick back ponytail going through a list of all the things so-called “gorgeous gorgeous girls” are “doing” in a mean girl-esque tone of voice. I had never seen a white woman with a slick back ponytail before except once, and I vaguely remembered commenting something about gorgeous girls weeks prior, but not with mean or exclusive intentions. I scrolled past it at first, and then I went back and made note of it. Later, I remembered posting “gorgeous gorgeous girl!!” under one of my sister’s posts. I meant it like how you would say “Happy Happy Birthday!” with the emphasis on the repetition of the first two words as opposed to one whole phrase. I had no idea then it would spiral into the dumpster fire of toxic femininity and trad-wife proto-fascist content that is polluting the internet today.
The Warping and Weaponization of Femininity as an Ideal:
I kept that video in the back of my mind. However, slowly but surely, more videos on “womanhood” and “femininity” start popping up. As someone who minored in women’s/feminist studies and is a historian of Black women and girls, I began tracking the discourse. At first, it seemed harmless. It evolved into “clean girl aesthetic,” which, okay because we were in a pandemic and you had to stay clean (though that’s a whole problematic notion in and of itself). Then I began to see more and more women wearing these slick back buns that just looked greasy to me (seriously please stop with the slick backs, white women). That evolved into clean girl makeup and soft life and coquette vibes (which, okay again, because the girls were going through it and it was a great way to escape). Black girl luxury (which we rightly deserve) then turned to quiet luxury/old money aesthetic, and then trad wife content started taking over. That’s when it started getting out of hand.
It turns out trad wife content has been around for some time and is a part of the white supremacist Christian nationalist death cult agenda. I never knew about it because my mom ingrained higher education and waiting to have babies in me ever since I was born. I cannot lie, seeing feminine ideals and soft living online was a respite from the infestation of little dick podcast bros and the toxic hypermasculinity practiced by the so-called leaders of the United States, and I’m sure this is also the case for women and girls who consume this content. HOWEVER, capitalism’s goal is to always profit off of us, even our insecurities, and we MUST reject the idea that womanhood is something that can be bought or sold.
Just because you identify as a woman does not mean that you are immune to the brain-washing and violence of patriarchy. If you are not careful, patriarchy and capitalism will strip you of your femininity and sell it back to you in scraps. If you identify as a woman, your femininity is already yours; it’s in you. No amount of pink bows, lululemon sets, Stanley cups, makeup, knotless braids, or plastic surgery will make you any more feminine than you feel. Let me repeat that: No amount of pink bows, lululemon sets, Stanley cups, makeup, knotless braids, or plastic surgery will make you any more feminine than you feel!!
I am not saying this to shame anyone’s self expression. A woman can look and dress however she wants. And that is my point! You cannot go into major clothing stores nowadays and not see frilly long dresses, bows, ruffles, and all things girly. Corporations and companies are currently selling us the bows, the pink things and the “feminine” starter pack, but do they have women and girls’ best interest in mind? NO! They are siding with the Dump administration’s attack on women’s reproductive autonomy, undermining education, tearing apart communities, not paying their workforce a liveable wage, and wreaking havoc on the environment through fast fashion all while promising you, the consumer, that if you just wear a bow on your head you will be an ideal woman: someone who is a poster child for patriarchy, a system that doesn’t guarantee you safety and ultimately wants you exploited, pregnant, and/or dead. Yeah, it’s THAT deep.
It is by design that women feel insecure about their womanhood under the patriarchy we are living in. As a Black woman, this country has historically stripped us of our femininity by working us like men and humiliating us in public and in the media. For women in general, ads and media constantly berate women, and make us feel like we have to stay young and pretty all the time forever. If we do not align with a version of womanhood that does not serve the interest of violent pedophile men, we are scrutinized, punished, shamed, and called crazy. Just look up the Salem witch trials, chattel slavery, the suffrage movement, the 1950s, and contemporary red pill culture. This country has a long history of systematically hating women. Who benefits from women not speaking up about things that matter to them or living their most authentic truth? Horrible men who want to exploit you and rob you of your power.
If you are a woman, I implore you to embrace your femininity as you are and on your own terms. Start with figuring out who you are and build upon the traits that you like best! Black, lesbian, feminist, socialist, mother, warrior, poet, Audre Lorde said, “women are powerful and dangerous.” Women are loud and messy and ugly and gorgeous and big and small. We are all of these things, and a white, childlike, meek woman is not the pinnacle of womanhood. No, that is a warped beauty standard that serves the interest of a system that ensures your demise. You will never be enough for the patriarchy. Women will never be enough for the patriarchy. You will always be too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too pretty, too loud, too quiet, too old but never too young (which is absolutely disgusting), too this and too that. Resist that! No one wins under patriarchy, not even men. Just look at the pathetic miserable ugly men and wannabe women who call themselves the leaders of the United States. They all are sad and disgusting. Patriarchy serves no one, and it is up to us to reject the lies they’re attempting to sell us. You are fine as you are. Get to know who you are and embrace that. We all have something to offer, and do not let companies rob you of your power and sell it back to you.
From one gorgeous gorgeous girl to another, I wish you all the best on your journey,
JBG
Tune in regularly for more blog posts on topics in Black feminism, music, and history brought to you by Break the Seal Press, a womanist press dedicated to transforming the world through quality literature and grassroots activism founded by Spelman grad, musician, local herstorian, and writer, Jacqueline H. Brown-Gaines. You can support this work by reading and sharing it, sending us a lil something @ $btspress on Cashapp or by purchasing my debut short story, Adventures with the Funk Haus Band on this same website.
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